The mask I wear to hide my feelings
by Purplepowergurl
Summary: Phoenix isn't the same after he was disbarred. Apollo was disappointed because his idol changed so much, but Phoenix brushes it off, he knows why he's changed. Maybe Apollo will get it someday. He hopes that he understands. Warnings: Phoenix attempts suicide, however, it is not written out and remotely hinted.


Apollo was so excited to meet his idol. The justice-seeking, amazing and clever lawyer, Phoenix Wright. It wasn't what he expected. The Phoenix Wright he learned to work for was an unshaven, 30-years old single father, bitter and sarcastic. It made Apollo sad, but he told himself, that 7 years can change a person. After he heard what happened to him, after that trial, he understood why he changed. But the brunette couldn't figure out how he changed. The ex-defense attorney wore an invisible mask, locking his feelings and inner thoughts deep inside the cracked and hurt heart. He wore his mental wounds of the past on his skin, invisible and hidden for people who walk past him. The pain he wore around, is only visible for the people who care about him. That made Apollo wonder, what pain has he felt to be so broken down? He wanted to know but the secrets were locked deep and couldn't even be cracked with the powerful magatama.

Phoenix stared out of the window. Apollo doubted his words more and more, demanding answers. He wanted to help, Phoenix understood. But there is nothing to help with. Nobody can save him now. The only thing that got him out of bed in the morning and kept him wanting to die, was his precious daughter, Trucy. She was only 15, she became dependent, learned to love him like a daughter loves her father. She needed him. He couldn't leave her behind. He would miss her, he doesn't want to see her cry. He was the one who saved her from a life as a lonely child on the street. He was not a good father, he never was, he tried his best already watching out for Maya, like a brother would. But a father is way different. It didn't stop him. He adopted Trucy anyway. Phoenix didn't want to see her sad, he wanted to save her. They became dependent on each other. Even if Phoenix was angry and couldn't keep up to be a father, he fought, trying not to give up, for her sake. She learned to respect and love him, for that. She knows how much trouble she causes him but he kept as patient as possible, just for her. She was really grateful. In return, Trucy was always there for him, when he cried, when he got lost within himself and spilled his guts. She was there for him, to keep him optimistic, to keep him alive, to save him from his toxic mind. She needed him and he needed her. Apollo will never understand. He didn't understand what Phoenix went through. He will never know why he is so bitter and hateful, full of self loathing. He will never know that Trucy is the one who saved him from his depression. With each of these thoughts, tears rolled down his face and landed on the photos, of him as a lawyer, in court with Maya by his side. Now that his time has ended, he felt useless, not worthy enough, just a old man, a single father, trying to earn his money with multiple jobs, to keep the place, that was once a law office, and to feed his daughter and himself. If Apollo knew, would he be pitied? Phoenix doesn't want pity. He wanted to be himself, he wanted to be trusted again. The time to bloom up has not come yet, so he continued crying himself to sleep.

Trucy told Apollo, that her daddy cried again. She told him that it happened so often already and that she worried about him. So Apollo checked on him.

XXXX

The next night, it was quiet. Trucy panicked. Phoenix never was that quiet. But the door was locked, Apollo and Trucy suspected the worst.

"Shit, what are we going to do!?"

"Kick the door open, if daddy doesn't react! He always reacts when I call him."

"What if he sleeps, Trucy?"

"No, he doesn't sleep, I can feel that something bad is going on!"

So Apollo kicked the door open. It broke into big pieces, the door seemed to be old. Trucy was right. It was bad. Blood pooled on the floor.

"Trucy? Call the ambulance! Now! Or else it's too late."

She ran to get her father's cellphone. Trucy didn't even get to see her father but Apollo's reaction made it clear that it was serious. While they waited for the ambulance, Apollo picked up a letter.

Dear Trucy and Apollo,

I couldn't keep it up anymore. It was too late. Nobody could save me from the ugly and depressing thoughts that keep invading my mind. I was hidden behind a mask, and it hurt me even more, I pressed myself into insanity.

I'm sorry, Trucy, my everything. You know that I love you, like a father can love his daughter. You were the light of my life, i needed you to survive. I don't want you to cry as soon as you see the blood on the floor. I want you to forget me, and to be happy in your life. I can't even write how important you were to me. I'm so sorry,

And Apollo, you don't need to worry. I'm sorry I wasn't the Phoenix Wright you expected. I'm sorry I ruined every dream that you had. I'm sorry for being so mean to you. I was an asshole, a useless jerk. You didn't even do anything and you got to see my bad side. You shouldn't have had me as a figure to look up to. I'm not worth it.

Goodbye,

Phoenix Wright, Ex-defense attorney

This is bad. He attempted suicide. They drove Phoenix to the hospital and Apollo hoped he would survive.

"Polly? What's with that letter?"

"I'll tell you when the time comes."

"Oh, come on! Daddy keeps saying that too!"

"Alright, I think you deserve to know.."

Trucy teared up and began to cry the further she read the letter. The letter was already wet with her tears as she sobbed. Apollo took the letter and put it to the side. Trucy sobbed into his chest, making his clothes wet.

"H-how could he?! How could he think that he was useless. Daddy was the only one who put faith in me, he saved me! It can't be t-true!"

"Trucy, he will survive, I'm sure!"

"I hope so.."

Apollo grabbed the phone once more, dialing Prosecutor Edgeworth's number.

XXXX

t has been 2 months. The two siblings were in Phoenix's hospital room. Trucy watched her father's peaceful face, which was half covered by a oxygen mask. The soft breathing, his chest only rose lightly. She was afraid he'd die. Apollo calmed her down as good as possible but after two months, even Apollo lost part of his hope. Phoenix looked as fragile as butterfly. The cuts on his arms didn't make it better. Such a tough man, raising a daughter alone but in the hospital bed, with all the machines and medical items, Apollo noticed he looked weak, like the smallest touch could shatter him. Trucy took his hand and held it between hers, leaning it against her forehead. She cried while she held the hand, that had blood stained fingernails. Apollo looked on the ground.

Phoenix's thoughts consisted of memories, while he was in a long sleep. From him being a child to the last moments when he watched himself bleed on the wooden ground. Faces flashed before him. Miles, Maya, Apollo, Trucy, Mia and much more. Mia talked to him. She told him that he is a fool for even attempting suicide. She was crying. Since he is in a coma, he could easily talk to ghosts. But he couldn't answer. He tried to but his mouth made no sound. So Phoenix gave up. Suddenly, everything became bright, Mia was not in reach anymore. The gravity was coming back.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Wright and Mr. Justice, I'm late."

"No, No, Edgeworth, it's fine."

Miles sat besides the two.

"So, what Gumshoe said was true. He did try to take his own life."

"Yeah.."

"I just can't believe it. I hope Wright survives."

Trucy's eyes widened as the Phoenix's eyelids fluttered a bit.

"Polly! Polly, I think he's waking up!"

"What?!"

Apollo looked to Phoenix.

Phoenix actually opened his eyes. But the light was so bright, It burned. Groaning, he put his arm over his eyes. The voices in the background became clearer.

"-ddy! Daddy! Oh my god you are awake!"

Phoenix looked to the side. Apollo was staring at him, Trucy's face was tear-stained and red.

"How could you, Mr. Wright? Why?!"

"Didn't you read the letter, Apollo?"

"Yes, I did! And your letter was full of contradictions! Most of what you said, isn't even true!"

Phoenix teared up. He thought he was hated.

"Wright. I'm disappointed. You didn't had to go that far. Why didn't you call me, if you needed help with coping with this? I'm glad your back."

"I thought you were to busy with your work, Miles.."

"I may be busy with work but if an old friend needs help, I will throw it to the side."

Phoenix cried.

Two weeks later, it was better already. Like every morning Phoenix prepared the school lunch for Trucy.

"Don't forget your lunch, before you go. I don't like it when you are hungry at school and you have no lunch."

"Oh, almost forgot that, thanks for the reminder, daddy!"

Apollo read the newspaper. A thought came into his mind.

"Hey Mr. Wright? You could retake your bar exam. Maybe you could be a lawyer again."

"You think I would make a good lawyer again? That time is over."

"No it isn't, Daddy, it certainly isn't. I want you to retake the bar exam!"

"Yeah, Trucy is right, Mr. Wright! Come on!"

Phoenix smiled. Life wasn't that bad if you opened up and had people that give you a reason to live and not give up. Trucy, Apollo and his other friends have taught him that.

"I'll give it a go. I'm gonna ask Edgeworth later."


End file.
